Autism in girls often presents differently from the more widely recognised traits seen in boys. Many girls on the autistic spectrum are adept at masking their differences, leading to missed diagnoses and misunderstood behaviours. Unlike boys, who may exhibit more outward signs, girls often internalise their challenges, making support strategies less obvious and sometimes more complex. Observing subtle signs and responding with empathy is key.
One of the most important and commonly overlooked traits in autistic girls is masking. Many girls appear calm and compliant at school, only to have emotional meltdowns once they return home. This “Jekyll and Hyde” presentation can be misleading and exhausting for the child. To support these girls, creating safe, non-judgemental environments is vital. Using regular emotional check-ins – such as feelings thermometers or visual mood charts – can provide them with a trusted outlet to express how they truly feel. This can reduce emotional overload and helps build a sense of authenticity and trust.
Girls on the spectrum may also appear shy or withdrawn, often avoiding group conversations or remaining very quiet. Rather than pushing for verbal engagement, offering alternative communication methods like drawing, writing, or digital tools allows them to participate in ways that feel safe and manageable. Honouring their preferred communication styles can reduce social anxiety and help build confidence over time.
Perfectionism is another common trait, often accompanied by an intense fear of making mistakes. These girls may react strongly to what others perceive as minor or trivial errors, sometimes avoiding tasks altogether if success isn’t guaranteed. As adults we can help by modelling self-compassion and openly acknowledging our own mistakes as learning opportunities. Using a growth mindset approach and celebrating effort rather than outcome helps reduce the pressure they place on themselves and can build resilience.
Anxiety is also prevalent in autistic girls, with some struggling to let go of worries and appearing constantly overwhelmed. Grounding techniques such as deep breathing, access to calm spaces, visual schedules, and sensory tools can make a significant difference. These strategies help calm the nervous system, can help build coping mechanisms, and restore a sense of safety and control.
Emotional sensitivity is often deeply rooted in autistic girls. They may cry easily or internalise conflicts, sometimes holding on to perceived failures or awkward moments. In these situations, gentle, strengths-based feedback can be an essential tool. Praising effort and providing reassurance in a calm, supportive manner ensures that feedback feels safe rather than threatening, which is crucial for emotional development and wellbeing.
Another hallmark of autistic girls is often a strong moral compass. They may become deeply upset by perceived injustice or when rules are broken. While this sense of justice is often admirable, it can lead to intense distress in social settings. Adults can support by teaching perspective-taking, helping girls to see situations from multiple viewpoints without undermining their values. This balance encourages empathy and greater social flexibility.
Many autistic girls can be uncomfortable with attention and will actively avoid praise or leadership roles. This reluctance to stand out stems from a desire to blend in and avoid social scrutiny. In such cases, offering private encouragement and respecting their autonomy can build confidence without additional social pressure. Allowing the individual to choose how they engage helps maintain their level of comfort and sense of control.
Autistic girls often display intense interests, focusing deeply on specific topics for long periods. These passions can be used positively by integrating them into learning and social activities. Whether it’s incorporating a favourite topic into a school project or connecting with peers who share similar interests, this approach boosts motivation and helps create meaningful engagement. It should not however be overly used or focused on as it can take away the joy!
The effort of masking can lead to significant exhaustion, especially after school or social situations. This may present as fatigue, irritability, or withdrawal. Scheduled decompression time, reduced demands, and teaching self-advocacy – such as asking for breaks – can help girls manage their energy and support recovery. These strategies can build and promote a healthy balance between engagement and rest/recovery.
Many girls also genuinely enjoy solitude and may prefer solo play or independent tasks over group activities. Again, it’s important to respect this preference while gently offering structured social opportunities that combine with their interests. Avoid forced interactions whilst also providing choices can ensure both connection and self-regulation.
Another challenge for many autistic girls is difficulty reading social cues. Sarcasm, facial expressions, tone of voice, and humour can all be confusing. Support can involve explicit teaching of social cues using social stories, visual aids, and role-play. Encouraging questions and explaining unwritten rules without judgement builds social confidence in a safe and supportive way. This doesn’t mean that these sessions should focus purely on autistic (or other neurodivergent) individuals, many neurotypical individuals can also benefit from these sessions, and they should ideally be fully integrated.
Lastly, obsessive interests in a particular topic or person are common. A girl might talk incessantly about a favourite subject, struggling to shift focus. Setting gentle boundaries, such as time limits or scheduled topic shifts, and using visual cue cards can encourage flexibility without dismissing their passion. It’s a fine line between validating enthusiasm and supporting social reciprocity.
Girls on the autistic spectrum may internalise challenges more than externalise them. This means that their struggles can go unseen unless we look closer. When we move away from assumptions based on male-centric models of autism and truly listen to what girls are showing us, we can respond with the support they deserve.